~Autumn
Waking when September Ends

Holy crow! Where did September go?!?

It's now a few days into October and that's just nuts. I really did have a good September as I got the kids into a nice routine for school. I also went to a concert at The House of Blues and had a night out with the girls. The down sides being Mikey was home a total of 3 days for the entire month, and really didn't get more miles for his trouble.

Since my last post, things are considerably better. I think I'm coming up with a new game plan. The game plan I've had just hasn't been working the past few years. Yes, I mean years. I graduated college two years ago come this January. As much as I like to think that we are in control of our own lives, of our own destinies... I also think that there are times where things won't happen no matter how much you want them to. Maybe it's cosmic forces, maybe it's our own subconsciouses setting us up for failure, maybe someone elses' plan just takes presidence over yours mucking up your plans. Whatever the case may be, stripping down and looking at all options is about the only thing you can do.

I've decided to not become a nurse. I'm not going to try to save up the money I'll never have to take state boards. I probably wouldn't pass if I tried taking it again. It's been too long. Realistically, it's just been too long and I'm not in the know to find out if there have been changes in the standards. So, the new game plan is to go to graduate school. I did graduate with honors with a bachelor's degree and I'm looking at a few programs having to do with Psychology since that is definitely the field I'm interested in, and where I would have been headed had I become a RN. Planning is in the early stages, but I like this change in plan. I can do something now. I'm not just waiting. I'm moving forward and that's all I ever really wanted anyway.

Anyway, enough about me. The kids are doing well in school. However, an interesting note is that they've done away with the traditional A,B,C standard of grading. Now, for each subject is a list of objectives. The grades come in forms of 3-mastered objective 2-needs improvement 1-no understanding of objective. For example an object for my son is recognizing setting in a story. So far his evaluations of this are 2 bordering on 1 because he just wasn't getting it. So instead of this being reflected in his overall reading score as a B, I get a chance to re-teach my kid this particular objective. Nice huh? Well, we took a lot of his favorite stories and movies and discussed setting and I think he understands. When I asked him the setting of Star Wars he said "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." ... Of course.

I think in the next day or two I'll discuss my concert at The House of Blues and new artists/albums that have been the soundtrack of my fall so far.
~Autumn
One refuge.


This is the one place I've got. Okay, not one. But the one place that's mine that I can say whatever I want. There's no family members, no husbands, no friends from high school, friends from college, any of my teachers... This is just... me. How can I complain about people without them seeing? How can I send out a snarky status message intended for one person without 50 other people asking about it?

So I'm here.

I'm just angry. defeated. frustrated. lost. Insert anyone of those.

I thought I would be okay. As long as I had my anchor I would be okay. I'm not even sure my anchor is there anymore.

I'm not sure what I did wrong. Was it a domino effect? One bad choice after the other that got me here? Did I really have the power of choice all those choices ago? Does that really make me who I am today? Am I even sorry about it?

I am a stay at home mom of three children today. My husband is hardly ever home, so I get to be mom AND dad 85% of the time. I think being here for my kids is a respectable choice. Does it mean that everything I've worked for toward a career is flushed down the toilet? I don't think so.

Apparently everyone else does.

No one else sees the big picture.

I do.

It seems if I'm not earning a wage I'm wasting away. That's funny... because 30-40 years ago... no one would have batted an eyelash at my choice.

The ironic thing is... the one person who I thought was supporting my decision all along... isn't. I'm not the person I used to be, he says.

*snort* No shit.

And it's not like I've tried looking for work, because I have. The economy sucks. In my career I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, a catch-22, if you will.

Still, It seems I've blown my chances. I don't think I have... but talk to any one of those real life peoples and they would tell you I had great potential.

I have great potential. I also have three kids. So exuse me if I don't want my drunk mother taking care of my kids. Excuse me if I don't let my husband's mother, who also let her husband beat the shit out of my husband and his brother, watch my kids.

I'll fuck up my own kids, thank you very much. And I'll continue to take care of the meals, the laundry, the mail, the bills, sign all the school forms, help the kids with homework, get the van fix on little to no cash, patch over the plumbing/electric/cosmetic damage when I don't think the landlord needs to be called... I will do all that. And if they want to keep on judging me... fine.

Screw them. No one is any better off than I am.
~Autumn
The Titleless Blog continues...

So, summer is over 1/2 have way over. The Pro-Football Hall of Fame festivities kick off this weekend and go for nearly 2 weeks straight... and you know what that means!!

FOOTBALL!!

It's just a sign for me that fall, my favorite season obviously, is just around the corner. I've begun the school list shopping and done a little clothes shopping online for my big kids. Pretty soon they'll be in Second and First grade and in separate buildings, but they're excited to be going back soon.

We haven't done much at all this summer. Having a serious lack of funds and a shoddy van at best puts a damper on things. We have gone camping and fishing, but the weather has been cooler than normal so swimming in the lake hasn't been an option yet. Yet. August is coming.

I'm not sure what else to bitch about or comment on other than the usual: My flower bed has more weeds than flowers... My writing has more quantity than quality to it lately... and I wonder if they'll ever make Pluto a planet again. *sigh*

Maybe next time I'll do a political post... I'm bothered by some things on that front. It should be interesting.
~Autumn
So I really like this layout. But I'm bothered by one minor detail. For whatever reason, there is no field for me to enter a title for my posts. It's a very curious thing. For other posts that I was able to enter titles for, they are still present. But this one is not. Nor is the previous one.

So, we're going title-less.

I don't mind too much, except I oddly feel exposed when I don't have a title. Like, there's nothing at the top of my post to cover it. I wouldn't be surprised if a random stranger would come to my blog and yell at me, "Put a shirt on that blog! I mean, Title!"

But what is a title really? Is it a mini summary? A theme? Is it just a writer's diving board to exploring whatever topic the title suggests? I'm not sure, to be honest. I know there are a few pieces in my Creative Tingles blog that have gone untitled. More than likely though, I was just too lazy to come up with one at the time. In fact, I'm working on a novel length story and the chapters are title-less as well, the chapters are just marked with numbers.

What do you think? Do you like titles? Are they outdated? Are they a necessity?

As my idol, Linda Richman of Coffee Talk would say, "Discuss!"